Allah still loves me

Alhamdulillah,,,
Alhamdulillah,,,
Alhamdulillah,,,

takde gambaran yang jelas nk tunjukkan aku bersyukur pada Allah,,,

yesterday was one of the toughest moment of my life,

yes, though I was surrounded by all the lovely people in my life yesterday,,,

though I smiled, I laughed, and I never show any signs of heartbroken,,,yes,,,im all tired and very much sick inside,,,

ive spent almost an hour crying, crying out loud to Allah last night,,,

of course, i dont want to show my weakness to others,,,

i dont want to show it to my friends, neither to my mama and babah,

but,,,i feel so much vulnerable in front of Allah,,,

I just went to the surau,,,just to perform my sunnah prayer,,,but suddenly my emotion burst out during the doa'.

Oh Allah,,,u had shown me many times how you really can touch your creation's soul,,,

I cried Ya Allah, because of my sin.

I cried Ya Allah because of my imperfections.

I cried Ya Allah because I cant be what I suppose to be...

I want to call mama but its already past midnight,

Ive checked my credit balance and its not sufficient enough to hear my mama's voice through the phone.

Ive tried to find some soul for me to let it all out,,,but I know that none will care much though,

because I have my Allah,,,

but, fortunately I have a friend that is sensitive enough to detect my tears,,,

thanx dear sahabat,,sorry to burden you with all my problems though i know that you have your own too.

yes,,, i wrote this not to scrape out the empathy, but just to share and show how Allah is the greatest and can heal the soul of its creations.

im always available when someones soul is hurt, im always there to try and heal them, i always try to get back the smile of my love ones when they are sad, thats me,,,im always strong for the others but im totally weak for my self.

terlampau banyak rahsia tersimpan, hanya Allah tahu, hanya Allah dan aku tahu.

rahsia yang membunuh jiwa aku, merampas hati aku,,,

aku dan mereka, biarlah

terkilan, sedih, kecik hati,,,biar semua aku simpan sendiri sebab aku dah biasa terluka, sebab aku dah lali dengan ia.

maaf kerana penulisan ini,,, tiada paksaan untuk dibaca,,,sekadar terapi untuk jiwa.